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Dangerous Intentions PPV Rp Feedback

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Dangerous Intentions PPV Rp Feedback

Post by Guest on Tue Aug 21, 2012 10:30 pm

Hey team,

If you could, let me know what you think so that I can continue to improve and grow. I mean, hey, I've been doing this for some time, but we all have room to grow so give ya boy some constructive feedback...thanks!

http://allstarwrestling.forumsmotions.com/t308-dangerous-intentions-enigma-vs-muir#1324

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Re: Dangerous Intentions PPV Rp Feedback

Post by Guest on Fri Aug 24, 2012 1:39 pm

Not sure If i should do this as I'm your opponent, but hey, we're all friends here!

I actually really liked your RP, the idea was good, and you really got across that Enigma is a man to be feared.

I especially liked the voice-over, you did a great job of keeping your RP relevant to the match, and the voice-over was a big part of that.

There are a few weaknesses in my opinion though; nothing big, just small things that can be easily fixed

For one, you rely far too much on the word "as". I used to do this myself, and I didn't even notice I was doing it until someone else pointed it out.

Sometimes you use "as" where a bit of punctuation such as a comma would have been more effective, and other times you seem to just be using it for the sake of it, and the repetition takes away a bit from your RP. Like I said though, this is easily fixed, just experiment by writing your description in different ways, using the word "as" as little as possible, and eventually you'll grow out of the habit.

The other nitpicks I have are things like simple spelling and grammar mistakes, censoring your curse words (people read them the same way anyway, there's no point.), and the title... "The Dark Enigma Rises", If your picbase is the joker, come on man, you can't give that title to your RP and expect people to take it seriously. Laughing

Like I said though, these are all minor things that can easily be fixed. All in all, your RP was good... I just hope it's not too good... Laughing

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Re: Dangerous Intentions PPV Rp Feedback

Post by Guest on Sat Aug 25, 2012 8:41 pm

After looking back, I can't disagree with you on your analysis. Grammar and such, that differ's depending on what you are writing because it's an Rp, versus an actual book. Either way, over time, I should have less errors. I think both the usage of "as" so much and the grammar is more related to my "rust factor" but thanks.

This because is what I need to get better and pay more attention to detail.

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